Motivated to Change~Social

In many aspects of life I have found that until a person is ready, it's like moving a mule to get them to change their lifestyle. This is not necessarily a bad thing, in my opinion. Taking the drive and determination and applying it to a positive goal is where the difficulty lies. This post is meant to show how to build stronger relationships to help achieve your goals.

Are you unhealthy? Do you want to lose or gain a few pounds? Do you want to quit that pesky bad habit that you just can't seem to stop? Admitting that you are unhappy with your current situation is the first step. Pride can often stand in the way of raising your awareness. Perhaps, you are scared to change or that you may not be able, you may be embarrassed you have let yourself get to the point you are, or you may even be upset that you will have to admit you are wrong. Whatever is holding you back, address it head on. When I see a genuine person taking responsibility for their own actions, their humility sparks respect and appreciation in me.

For example, Jenny might say to herself, 'I don't feel very healthy because I have lost too much weight, but everyone says I look great in my skinny jeans. If I admit to myself I'm too skinny, my brother will be right and totally rub it in my face.' This brings me to another point. Your family and friends are in your life to support and encourage you. If they are not currently doing that, you need to become aware and address the person or people that are hurting more than helping. The best way to do this is meditate on the situation for a day or two. Get in a quiet place and a comfortable position. Take deep breaths in and out. Do not think of attacking things to say. Think in terms of 'As my (brother, sister, son, spouse, mother) I want a more positive relationship. These are things that I think keep our relationship from being positive.' As you go through your thoughts, take time to address your own shortcomings in this relationship. Do NOT beat yourself up over it! It is very important to realize that dwelling on your past behaviors only let them continue to control your life. The best way to show you are truly sorry is to make a conscious effort to change.

Once you have had ample time to reflect on your relationship, seek out the person. Make a phone call or a special visit. Writing down your feelings can help to prepare you for this conversation, but I find being present and having this person's attention shows that you are serious. Phrases that help convey your message without attacking are 'When you do this, it makes me feel that.' 'I want to make our relationship better and these are some things I think hold us back.' 'I realize I need to change too and I want support and encouragement from you.' Make a commitment to one another and agree to keep each other accountable.

At times, disappointment and frustration can overcome feelings of wanting to help. Understand that it may have been difficult for your loved one(s) to watch your behavior. Accept this information and transform it into the motivation you need to change. Wallowing in your self pity and disappointment will only leave you there wallowing. This is not the 'go ahead' to pretend you are not at fault or permission to ignore the past. You have to start weighing all your options as something that will be positive and helpful or something that will hurt you or family and set you back from your goal. Detaching emotion is difficult, but you have to be strong and rational. Meditation comes to the rescue again! Below I have added a few sites that give direction and tips for meditating. Remember that you are not too cool for meditation and it will help you if you are open to it. It took me the longest time to accept meditation. Now that I have, I can think more clearly and find solutions to my problems that benefit others as well.

Unfortunately, life is not all rainbows and puppy dog kisses. You may find that some in your life are not as willing to change or open to help you. This is their prerogative. Accept their opinion and move on. After you have started to change and progressed in your personal journey, they may become more open after seeing your level of commitment. Conversely, they may never come around. You cannot change someone else's actions. You can only change your own actions and reactions. Think about that statement and let yourself learn to live with its implications.

For more help getting motivated to heal your personal relationships e-mail pharmdancer@yahoo.com or contact me on Facebook.

http://zenhabits.net/meditation-for-beginners-20-practical-tips-for-quieting-the-mind/

http://www.how-to-meditate.org/breathing-meditations.htm/